Looking For It: Racism as a Pervasive, Slippery, and Dangerous Cancer

I am Korean by birth, and I was adopted and raised by a white family in a white community in a Pennsylvania suburb. My husband and I are raising three biracial children; two are biological children (Asian and Caucasian) and one adopted son who is Black and Caucasian. Growing up, I knew I was adopted – there was really no hiding it from me. It was obvious, but it wasn’t often discussed. Education surrounding transracial adoption was different than it is now. While my parents answered many of my questions, adoption, race, and ethnicity were seldom discussed. Being an adult, gaining better insights and understanding racial discrimination and racism, and – most impactfully – raising a Black son, has brought these discussions into the forefront in our home and family setting.

One way in which I feel especially beholden is to confront racism. I am not sure that this is easy for anyone to do, and it certainly isn’t easy for me. Growing up and moving into adulthood, I never perceived any personal mistreatment because of my appearance; in other words, if someone was very rude or mean to me, it never crossed my mind that it was because they were racist or because I was of a different ethnicity from that person. A few years ago, someone who had been close to me reached out because she sensed that something was amiss between my husband, myself, and her. After a few minutes of trying to construct the correct statement, I told her, “Sometimes you say things that come across as racist to us and it makes us uncomfortable.” My statement was not well received. Among other charges, I was accused of “looking for it.”

This conversation was one that dwelled in me for quite some time and continues to. Years after the initial confrontation, I was replaying her words in my head. “Looking for it” had especially stuck with me because I had never, ever sought to blame racism for anything in my life or even my children's’. As opposed to ‘looking for it,’ I believe what truly flabbergasted this woman was that I had taken a stance and called out racism. Dark humor took over and I realized that I should have responded, “I’ll keep looking for it until I can no longer find it.” Many of us know that we don’t have to look for racism – it's there. It’s pervasive and slippery and dangerous. It’s in the fabric of this country, all our institutions, including our schools, our churches, our communities, and – for some – in our families too unfortunately. We don’t have to look for it, but you’d better believe that I am willing to look for it until I can no longer find it. Until then, let’s keep looking.

Contributed by: Sub-urban PA Mom | Blogger/Tee-Shirt Designer/ Artist